Key Obstacles

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1. Fear of Rejection

We've all felt the sting of rejection. We naturally fear being turned down or ignored, which can lead to a sense of discomfort or embarrassment. And there’s no exception, we've all felt the sting of rejection. That deflating moment when our hopes are dashed and our confidence takes a hit. But what if I told you that rejection isn't a roadblock, but rather a stepping stone towards greatness? I've spent years building up my career in sales and marketing, yet the fear of speaking in front of prospects and going through the sales process was always accompanied by the fear of rejection, my constant companion, a reminder of not being good enough. But as I matured, I realised that rejection wasn't personal; it was part of the process.The truth is, even the most celebrated CEOs have faced countless rejections.

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For instance, the glorified Elon Musk, before his groundbreaking ventures like Tesla and SpaceX, Musk faced numerous rejections. He was fired from his own company, X.com (later PayPal), and struggled to secure funding for his early space exploration projects. These setbacks, however, fuelled his determination and ultimately led to his revolutionary innovations.

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Another example with an interesting personal story of overcoming great obstacles from a young age is Jack Ma, the founder of Alibaba Group, one of the world's largest e-commerce companies, who experienced countless rejections early in his career. He was turned down by numerous universities and jobs, and his initial business ventures failed. Ma's persistence and resilience in the face of these failures allowed him to build an empire now worth over $200 billion.

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Personally, I am a big fan of Oprah Winfrey. Before becoming a media mogul, Winfrey also faced significant challenges. She was fired from her job as a local news anchor and experienced early career setbacks. These experiences, however, shaped her into a powerful and influential figure who overcame adversity to achieve extraordinary success in the media industry, now being her own boss with a net worth of $3 billion.What can we learn from these examples? Resilience, the ability to bounce back from adversity, is the key to overcoming rejection. It's about learning to embrace failure as a necessary part of the journey. It’s the resilience that helps us transform setbacks into opportunities for growth.

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Dr. Stuart Lustig is a medical doctor and expert in behavioural health. He introduced a helpful method called G.R.O.W. to help people overcome challenges and build resilience. The acronym stands for:

• Goal: Define your objective. What do you want to achieve?
• Reality: Acknowledge the current situation. Where are you now in relation to your goal?
• Obstacles: Identify the challenges or barriers that are preventing you from your goal.
• Ways Forward: Brainstorm potential solutions or strategies to overcome the obstacles.

This method helps you break down a complex problem into smaller, more manageable parts and as a result, help you develop a clear plan of action and increase your chances of success.

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2. Self-Doubt

Uncertainty about our own value proposition can make us hesitant to ask for help. Remember, the path to success is rarely linear. It's filled with twists, turns, and inevitable setbacks. Uncertainty about our own value proposition can make us hesitant to ask for help.As Van Gogh famously said, 'If you hear a voice within you say "You cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. Had he listened, the world would have been deprived of his extraordinary gift. Chances are you've wrestled with that pesky inner voice that chips away at your confidence and amplifies your doubts. What if you mess up? What will people think? Are you capable enough? 

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Self-doubt is a universal human experience. It can be a double-edged sword: too little can be dangerous, but too much can paralyse us. We see countless talented individuals (especially women), holding themselves back, fearing they don't have what it takes. Doubt can lead to inaction: missed opportunities, unfulfilled potential, and a life lived in the shadows.

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While we can't eliminate self-doubt entirely, we can learn to manage it. Here are six strategies:

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‍Embrace Your Humanity

‍Self-doubt is a natural defense mechanism. It protects us from potential failure and humiliation. Instead of berating yourself for doubting, acknowledge it as a normal part of the human experience. Mistakes are inevitable, and self-doubt is a common reaction to them.

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‍Doubt Your Doubts

Sounds counterintuitive, right? Yet your doubts are often fear-based stories that don't reflect reality. Challenge those negative thoughts. Ask yourself: "What if the opposite were true?" Could you be more capable than you think? Could your ideas be valuable?

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‍Name Your Inner Critic

‍Give a name to the voice that fuels your self-doubt. This helps to separate yourself from the negative thoughts and gain perspective. Write a letter to your inner critic, acknowledging its concerns but asserting your determination to overcome them.

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‍Find Your Why

‍Identify your core motivations and values. Why do you want to achieve your goals? What impact will it have on your life and the lives of others? A strong sense of purpose can fuel your courage and help you overcome self-doubt.Train Your BrainCourage is a muscle that can be strengthened through practice. Start small and gradually increase the challenges you face. Every time you take action despite your fears, you're building your confidence and resilience. Remember, self-doubt is a common challenge, but it doesn't have to define you.

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3. Social Expectations

Societal norms often dictate that persistence is a negative trait, pushing us to fear being labeled as demanding or pushy. This ingrained belief can hinder our ability to advocate for ourselves and pursue our goals. We may hesitate to ask for what we need or want, fearing rejection or social disapproval. This reluctance to be persistent can limit our opportunities and prevent us from achieving our full potential.Following up with prospects throughout their buying journey is a crucial aspect of sales, yet it often feels uncomfortable. It can be nerve-wracking to repeatedly reach out, especially when you fear being perceived as intrusive or pushy. If you were in B2B sales, you know the feeling.

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However, it's precisely this persistence that can bring significant results. By consistently checking in and addressing their concerns, you position yourself as a trusted advisor increasing your chances of closing the deal.Same goes with referrals, while it can be uncomfortable to repeatedly reach out or ask for favors, it's precisely this persistence that increases your chances of generating referrals. While it may feel awkward at times, the rewards of persistent follow-up and referral-seeking are undeniable.

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Here are 3 strategies to overcome the fear of asking too much:

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‍Reframe Your Perspective

‍Focus on the positive outcomes of your request, rather than potential negative reactions. Consider how your request can benefit the other person or the situation as a whole. Instead of focusing on the potential negative consequences of your request, shift your focus to the positive outcomes.

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‍Practice Self-Compassion

‍Be kind to yourself and understand that asking for help is normal. Avoid self-criticism and instead, focus on building self-confidence. Remind yourself that you deserve to have your needs met and that asking for what you need is a sign of strength, not weakness.

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‍Build Strong Relationships

‍Invest in relationships based on trust and mutual respect. Strong relationships make it easier to ask for what you need. When you have strong relationships with others, you'll feel more comfortable asking for help and support. Investing time in building and maintaining positive relationships can pay dividends in the long run.

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4. Misinterpretation of Silence

We often misinterpret silence or a lack of immediate response as a negative sign, reinforcing our hesitation to ask for what we need. When someone doesn't respond right away, we may assume they're dismissive, uninterested, or even annoyed. This can lead us to doubt ourselves and retreat, rather than persisting with our request. However, it's important to remember that silence doesn't always equate to rejection. People may be busy, distracted, or simply taking time to consider their response. It's crucial to recognise that silence can be a neutral response, rather than a negative one. For instance, prospects may need time to process information, consult with others, or simply gather their thoughts before responding. By giving them the space they need, we can avoid coming across as overly pushy or demanding.

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Remember, persistence is key, but it's important to balance persistence with respect for others' time and boundaries. When faced with silence from a potential client, it's essential to respond strategically. Avoid bombarding them with constant follow-ups, as this can be perceived as aggressive and overwhelming. Instead, give them the space they need to process information and make a decision. To encourage engagement, ask open-ended questions that prompt thoughtful responses. This will not only demonstrate your interest but also provide valuable insights into their needs and concerns. Additionally, pay close attention to their verbal and nonverbal cues, such as tone of voice and body language, to better understand their perspective and tailor your approach accordingly.

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5. Time Constraints

We often hesitate to ask for referrals, fearing that our contacts are too busy to assist. However, by approaching the request strategically and respectfully, we can minimise this concern. First, it's crucial to respect their time. Be concise and clear about your request, and explain the mutual benefits of a referral. Consider their schedule and avoid reaching out during peak hours.Second, make the process as easy as possible for them. Provide pre-written templates or scripts that they can easily adapt. If they're hesitant to reach out directly, offer to connect with their contacts yourself, with their permission. Finally, persistence is key, but it must be balanced with politeness. A gentle follow-up a few days later can be effective, but avoid being overly pushy. Express gratitude for their time and consideration, regardless of their response.

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Strategies for Graceful Follow-Up

While it's important to be mindful of others' time and energy, it's equally crucial to pursue your professional goals. Here are some strategies to navigate the referral process with tact and effectiveness:

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Express Gratitude

• Acknowledge past referrals: Start by thanking them for any referrals they've provided in the past.
• Highlight the impact: Share specific examples of how their referrals have benefited you.
• Reinforce the positive relationship: Emphasise the value you place on your connection.

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Provide Context

• Share your current situation: Briefly explain your career goals or business objectives.
• Highlight the specific type of referral you're seeking: Be clear about the skills or connections you need.
• Explain how the referral will benefit them: Show how the referral could be mutually beneficial.

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Offer Value:

• Share relevant information: Provide insights or resources that might be helpful to your contact.
• Offer assistance: Ask if there's anything you can do to help them in return.
• Connect them with others: Introduce them to people in your network who might be a good fit.

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Time Your Requests Strategically

• Avoid constant bombardment: Space out your requests to avoid overwhelming your contacts.
• Choose the right moment: Consider their current workload and personal circumstances.
• Be flexible: Adapt your approach based on their availability and responsiveness.

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Respectful Persistence:

• Follow up politely: Send a gentle reminder or a more detailed request.
• Offer alternative methods of connection: Suggest LinkedIn or email introductions.
• Be prepared to accept a "no": Understand that people may not always be able to help, and respect their decision.

Are you looking into levelling up your sales or partnership career? Make sure to check out our resources or book a 1:1 consultation to see how a PRM software can help you drive more referrals.

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Resources For Co-Selling

Top 10 Must-Have Books on Partnerships

Selling Smarter, Not Harder: The Rise of Co-Selling in Technology Partnerships

Top 10 Partnership Podcasts to Boost Your Partnership Game

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FAQ: Overcoming the Fear of Asking for Referrals

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1: Why do I feel uncomfortable asking for referrals?

‍A: It's common to feel hesitant about asking for referrals. This discomfort often stems from fear of rejection, feeling like a burden, or self-doubt. However, it's important to remember that asking for referrals is a normal and effective way to grow your business.

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2: How can I overcome my fear of asking for referrals?

‍A: To overcome your fear, start by practicing self-compassion. Remember that asking for referrals is a skill that can be learned and improved over time. Focus on the positive impact it can have on your business and the people you refer.

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3: What's the best way to ask for a referral?A: The best approach is to be direct and specific. Clearly explain what type of referral you're looking for and how it will benefit the person you're asking. Make it easy for them to help by providing specific contact information or a referral template.

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4: How often should I ask for referrals?

‍A: There's no strict rule for how often to ask for referrals. However, it's important to be mindful of your relationships and avoid being overly pushy. A good approach is to ask for referrals naturally, such as after a successful project or positive interaction.

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5: What if someone says no to my referral request?

‍A: Don't take it personally. Rejection is a normal part of life, and it's important to learn from it. Instead of dwelling on the negative, focus on the positive relationships you have and continue to build.